


Birthday Letters

by Towrittealovestory



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, F/M, M/M, POV Simon, Post-Canon, Post-Watford (Simon Snow)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15140966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Towrittealovestory/pseuds/Towrittealovestory
Summary: It takes 22 years for Simon to be given a name, a history to his birth and the story the comes before.It takes 22 years before Simon knows his mother.It takes him 22 years to find Lucy's letter to him.





	Birthday Letters

Simon Snow.

It sounds like a book character.

"Salisbury." He hears Baz say, "It doesn't have the same ring to it."

It doesn't.

But it's Lucy's last name. His mother's.

His name had been an object of confused looks or simply stupid questions. Most kids back at the homes thought he made it up himself, which was fair. It sounded made up. Which might have been true for all he knows. It's not like it was written on somewhere other than his arm.

Then it just didn't matter anymore. In the World of Mages he was the Chosen One, the Mage's Heir as Baz loved to remind him. His name was rather an empty tittle.

Now, 21 years after, he was given a name. A dead family. A long forgotten past. And a diary.

Lucy's diary.

It confirmed everyone's suspicions about the Mage being Simon's father(not like he would ever take his name)(not that he kew it either). It gave an explanation, or context at least to Simon's birth, to their lives before him.

 ***

Simon sat in the end of his bed, staring at the blue matching eye's to his own on the photo Penny's mom had given him of her mother during her Watford days. She had plastered a big smile, pink lips, squinting because of the sun, her hair blonder than his, almost cheer under the light, messy against the wind. She looked happy and free.

Like most of her first entries on her diary. It was from the year after she left Watford. She was engaged to Davy by then. And she was happy with him. She was young and in love, he could tell. Simon wondered what happened, he hadn't read the end just yet.

"She looks so much like you..." He felt Baz's weight as the bed gave in. Her hair was light and her skin fair, but... "Her eyes betray her"

Simon stroke with his fingers her picture, as if he could touch her.

"She was younger than us, when she..." _died_ , Baz opened his mouth to finish for Simon but he kept going, "...when she got married to him."

"They moved in together, she got a pair a chickens..." Simon looked for the page to show Baz, smiling, "One day she forgot she had left the bag of food in her pocket and only realized she was leaving a trace when she noticed the chickens were following her everywhere after a whole day." He chuckled, looking at the messy letter down in the book.

Baz rest his arm on Simon's shoulder and lean into the book with a growing soft smile. "She...she sounds lovely." _Just like you,_ he wanted to say.

"She does, doesn't it?" Simon turned quiet all of a sudden, "I wish I could've met her..."

Baz's heart skip a beat, as it shrink in pain. "Love..."

Simon turned back to him, "It's fine, it's just that..." Simon breath sharply.

Baz didn't know what was worse, losing something you never knew you had or losing something you knew and lost grasp of.

Baz moved his hand to cup Simon's face, Simon simply lean into the touch. "I know, love, I know..." He put their forehead together before leaving a gentle kiss on it.

He reached for his phone on the nightstand.

"12:13 am" Baz stated for Simon to hear, and looked up to stare back to Simon's confused eyes. "Happy birthday, idiot." Baz mocked.

Simon's freckles were left under the red going up on his face. "...Right..."

"Happy birthday, love."

****

"Happy birthday!" Penny laid a couple of scones in front of him as he sat down in the breakfast table, with a cup of coffee next to it.

He awkwardly smiled. "Thanks Pen."

It was weird, he had never celebrated his birthday. He didn't know the date before, and making one up made him feel...stupid.

But Penny had looked on his mother's diary and somehow found his birthday and was determined to make up for 22 years of no birthdays.

"Baz already left?" She asked, while reaching for the butter.

"Yeah...he wasn't here by the time I woke up." He frowned, Baz regardless how responsable and organized he was, he wasn't a morning person.

Usually it was Simon who woke him up. He tried everything in his power to not leave the bed before 9am. It was only 7 when Simon woke up. Instead, on the nightstand Simon found a rose, and a happy birthday in his beautiful cursive letter.

Penny left the butter next to his scones and sat down next to him, without commenting anything further.

"So you really don't have anything plan for your birthday?" She asked, instead.

"Penny," Simon stared, putting down his coffee, "You would be the first to know if I did."

She smiled, taking a sip from her cup, "You are right."

***

Simon really didn't have anything planned. And it felt wrong after all those years following any of Penny's plans. It was too late to plan for a party and Simon didn't really felt like he wanted to go to dinner or anything special.

Instead he did chores, he send memes to Baz, he baked cupcakes, read some stuff for his classes, send more texts that Baz ignored, until he had nothing else to do. Until he was staring at his mother's diary. He sat up again and opened it.

He sigh and started reading. It was going from bad to worse.

Even when Lucy sounded so happy, it was clear that Davy(knowing his name now, made Simon realized he didn't know the Mage's name before) wasn't good enough for her. He wasn't good enough to her even, clearly.

By then she had started writing to the baby, for him.

She chose his name, she wanted him to sound like a hero if he was going to be one. She had so many expectation that everything was going to be better once the baby was born. The magic world was going to be safe and she was going to have a family. Davy finally would be right and would have time for them, she would have a baby to take care of and everything would've been fine.

Well, it would've been.

Simon knew something bad waited as he reached the end, if it hadn't he wouldn't be hearing for her 22 years after. He would've grown up with people telling him that he looked more like his mother than his father, and her mother laughing kindly.

But instead he found a letter and empty pages.

_June 21._

_My rosedbud boy(she called him, after all those years he finally recognized her)._

_It's the day! I'll get to hold you, to kiss you. Finally I'll get to met you my boy._

_Even your father it's excited, he has waited for you for so long...he's made so many preparations for us, he looks so happy!_

_I feel it's been too long of a path but for you, I'm sure you are worth every pebble in the way, I already know it. I just feel it. That you have a bright future in the way. And I want to be there to see you there after you save the world._

_But I don't think you should worry about that right now, in the mean time, we will protect you. I will Simon._

_I'll give everything for your life, my rosebud boy._

_Love, your mother._

Then empty pages, now wet on tears and crumble by Simon's fingers. Who sat in the dark, fill with anger and sadness that before would've had blown the room up.

"Si! Baz is-" Simon squinted at the light coming from the door, tears still falling, "You finished?" Penny sat next to him on the edge of the bed, talking in the voice she reserved for him.

"She died today Penny," He stood up, frustration in his voice, "She died-!" The book flew away from his hands and fell open into the bed, on the crumble letter from his mother, "She died because of me." He looked down at Penny.

"You didn't-"

"Of course I didn't!" Finally Baz came through the door, "But she-! She...she died giving me a life..." His voice cracked, falling on to his knees.

Penny help his face after a minute. "And it wasn't your fault Simon, if it was up to you she would be still be here, wouldn't she?"

"Of course but..."

"It wasn't." She said as a last word.

It didn't make the heaviness in his chest go away, but in the moment the tears stopped and he didn't have any other argument. Penny always won those anyway.

Outsite of the room, the room was full of balloons and food and a table with two lonely gifts.

"Guys...I..." Simon started, squishing Baz's hand.

"Yeah, maybe we should hold the celebration for another day." Penny said already texting the guests, Simon assumed.

"I'm sorry, I know you wanted to give me a good birthday." Simon tried to smile, as he sat down next to Penny, sadly texting.

"You just discovered how you mother died Simon, no one it's gonna blame you for not being in the mood to party." Baz walked up to him, and cupped his face "It's okay, whatever you are feeling right now, it's okay." The words eco in Simon's mind, too many years ago when Baz's discovered how his own mother died.

Simom leaned into the touch, and too a sharp breath. 

"Thank you." He said, meaning it, "It's not what I imagined but I never really imagined anything. I thought I was going to die before I got to anything." 

Baz and Penny knew very well. Baz better than anyone knew it better than anyone, having felt the same. He didn't thought he made it out alive, much less in a future where he would get to be Simon's comfort rather than his demise. 

"Everything it's going to be okay, love." Simon put his hand over Baz's. 

"It already is." As okay as it going to get, Simon thought. "As long you are here." 

**Author's Note:**

> Well it's been way too long since that last time I uploded something. But here it is, it's short neither it was my best work but I wrote it on my phone on a bus ride.
> 
> It was supposed to be for Simon's birthday but I failed to finished it. 
> 
> Better late than never.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and I'm sorry if there is any mistakes, English isn't my first language.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
